


At The Bottom Of Several Bottles

by joufancyhuh



Series: To Know A Vael [12]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcoholism, Gen, Poem kinda sorta, first person POV, post leandra's death, tw: sexual assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 12:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joufancyhuh/pseuds/joufancyhuh
Summary: Hawke goes on a bender after her mother dies.





	At The Bottom Of Several Bottles

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the formatting comes out right. Reading this on a small screen might mess up what I intended. 
> 
> I never write first person, but trying to figure out how to tell Kalea's story after her mother dies, the perspective of someone on a self-destructive bender, it's going to be disjointed and garbled and first person seemed the best way to show that. 
> 
> I'll probably do some fics around this one so it makes more sense. I'm not even sure how much sense it makes now.

There are

             -

                      ----

                                                 glimpses.

 

Bright images that I can’t quite piece together. 

                                                        Someone’s hands on me, shaking—

a voice, familiar…

 

it’s like

 

                drowning. 

 

                                   Oh Maker I can’t breathe i can’t breathe icantbreathesomeonehelpmesomeoneanyone

 

White. Soft. Mouth like a flower opening under my tongue. 

                                  hot searing, my body feels like

                                                        Flames. 

 

Yelling. That voice again… his…

 

                                         “You can’t just take whatever you want!”

 

_ don’t remember don’t try to remember _

_                                 what am i trying not to remember _

 

_                             what is it that I want? _

 

_ blood staining a white dress and eyes,  _

_                                               glassy and a voice,  _

_                                                                           a different voice.  _

_                                                                                                  “I love you, my sweet girl.”  _

_                   “No, don’t leave, don’t leave dontleavemeherealone” _

 

                                                     Dirty white, don’t remember the dress.

                 Don’t scratch the walls. 

 

                                                                 “I know you’re hurting, but you need to come back. You can’t 

                   keep 

                             shoving  the pain away.”

 

                                                                       Anger, a storm

                                                                      my chest hurts-

                                                                                                    -i can’t breathe again

                                                                                                                         -i’m going to

_ Die. _

_                    someone died. someone important, someone i--- _

 

frozen fingertips                                          -                                                             something shatters

 

                             “Come back to me, Pidge.”

_                                                                     Bash _ . 

 

I do-

                                          -n’t 

             want

                         to 

                       remember

                                                        that

                          she’s

_                                                                                gone _ .

 

_ Come back.  _

 

_                                                                     “why?” _

_ I still need you. _

_                                                              “Bash, you’ve never needed anybody.” _

  
  


                                                              numb encroaching bitter cold the air burns my lungs and I feel---

 

_ thirsty _ . 

 

_ Firey liquid rushing my throat _ , 

                                                                                           cough gasp wheeze

           dr

                ift

                     ing

                            aw

                                  ay

 

                                                    now.

 

                     Better, get better, get better get better get better           getbettergetbettergetbettergetbettergetbettergetbettergetbettergetbettergetbettergetbettergetbetter

 

**GASPING, CLAWING, SCREAMING, SHRIEKING, SOBBING, RETCHING**

 

_ The sun. The         shakes.  _

_                                 kind blue eyes, _

_                   hands with calluses on the  _

_                             fingertips, i remember, _

_ i remember _

_ i don’t want to remember.  _

 

“You’ll be okay now.” 

_                            I’ve never been okay. _


End file.
